07/03/2019

Dear Diary…

This is my first post.

That is a rather cliché way to start your first journal entry isn’t it. I always wanted to start a diary of my own – I tried to little success over the years. I was either too young to care about writing one properly, creating entries such as I ate some cornflakes today or I was that awful ball of teenage hormones and angst that just translated to me writing about how hurt I was and then spouting lyrics from my favourite emo song at the time. Hopefully this time, things will be different.

I have been thinking of starting this for a while now. Why I am doing this public I don’t know. I feel there is something truly freeing about doing it this way. I can’t hide it, I like to be a bit of a showoff at times. I don’t see much benefit to me writing these entries in a book that would only ever be read by myself. I think you can learn a lot about yourself from others who interpret your ideas and thoughts, more so than if you simply bottle it up inside.

I have many friends and people who I admire who carry journals, diaries, notebooks, chapbooks etc. with them at all times. I have spent hostel rooms with them and admire their routine of writing something at the end of the day. I’m not as creative as many of these individuals are, but I like to think of myself as having some kind of creative streak that I should probably exercise more than I do. My career doesn’t often allow for it to come out to play so to speak and I worry that I often neglect it and that if I do so for too long I will simply become some kind of uncreative shell of a human.

My evenings this week feel wasted. I have been finishing early at work but the commute back from the office feels like an eternity but working from home isn’t really a good option right now as my desk is covered with in progress projects that are too distracting. I have all of these plans on what I would like to do when I get home, and then I find myself sitting here staring into two monitors looking at inconsequential things like car adverts or watching YouTube videos about interesting topics for sure, but don’t align with my original intentions.

Yesterday I found myself watching two one on one interviews with Microsoft henchmen Satya Nadella and Steve Ballmer on YouTube. They were only just shy of half an hour long but once I had finished watching them, and posting about the Ballmer one on LinkedIn, I looked up to the clock and it was already half 9. The tiredness of my mind and my eyes hit me at that instant and I had lost all desire to contribute to any of my projects here or continue to read my current book – The Foolish Immortals by Paul Gallico. The sensible thing would have been to go to bed but instead I insisted on staying up another half hour watching some more Brooklyn Nine-Nine on my Plex server; even that was a struggle with how tired I was.

As I’m writing this I feel tired. I feel a little dissatisfied with how this evening has panned out. I probably expected too much of myself to be honest; I often do. I have however made some progress with my projects – I have added some better About sections to the website, started this diary series and uploaded some more external documentation. I have also managed to get the FTP working for the web hosting under a username that isn’t mindbogglingly difficult to remember (how many e’s and a’s did it have again?).

I think it might be interesting for me to post a song for each journal entry. For this entry I choose a cover of one of my favourite tracks Archangel originally by Burial but here played mainly on guitar by a new discovery Richard Houghten. Its a bandcamp link, as it doesn’t appear to be on YouTube:

Goodnight

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