Category Archives: Music

Rachel Stevens – Sweet Dreams My L.A. Ex

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So some strange trivia about this song is that it was originally intended for Britney Spears but label Jiverejected it. The song is meant to be a reaction to Justin Timberlake‘s extremely popular “Cry Me A River”. How this song would have performed if pop monolith Spears ended up with it is difficult to say but I think Rachel did it justice, bringing it to position 2 on the top 40 chart.

The second track (which also features on the album Funky Dory) is reasonably forgettable. The mandatory remix on track 3 is painful and uninspired electro take on the original.

Oasis – Wonderwall

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Oasis – Wonderwall [Creation Records ‎– CRESCD 215]

Let’s not be stupid here. This is a fantastic song. Regardless of what genre, decade, period, scene or culture it stood for, it’s just a near perfect song. How do I know this? Everyone knows this song. Everyone.

The joke is that when someone is taking requests for songs everyone shouts “PLAY WONDERWALL!” or that a new amateur busker will confidently walk up to the mic and say “Here’s Wonderwall”. It’s a great joke, but it only works because people are so familiar with the song. It’s universal appeal and its simplicity only add towards how valuable this song is to modern music history.

A fine point in British Rock music for sure.

Not only do you get this classic track, Creation are nice enough to give us three additional tracks including the wonderful The Masterplan.

McFly – The Heart Never Lies

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McFly – The Heart Never Lies [Universal ‎/ Island Records Group ‎– 1750108]

I never really dug McFly‘s music, it always felt like an even more watered down radio friendly version of Busted (3). By 2007 when this record was released I thought McFly were very uncool, producing shallow radio friendly rock for your gran to listen to. Today I still feel that way about them, which is odd because there are plenty of “pop rock” acts that I actively enjoy who some could argue are much worse than McFly. I think again it comes down to how and when I ended up encountering the band, and that I grew up with them that causes me to give them such criticisms.

This track for me came out at a point when the McFly star was fading fast, soon to become old news and all their old teeny-bopper fans were growing up and feasting on heavier (both acoustically and emotionally) music.

The second track you get on this album is a cover of the legendary Umbrella by R&B superstar Rihanna. I usually like rock covers of songs that aren’t rock, and this cover is not bad – to be honest I might enjoy it more if you told me it was a band other than McFly performing it. Personally I prefer All Time Low‘s take on the track which features on the Pop Goes Crunk compilation, but then again I am a big sucka for US Pop Punk in the 00s – even though strictly speaking All Time Low are really no better than McFly in the lameness race.

Vengaboys – We Like To Party! (The Vengabus)

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Vengaboys ‎– We Like To Party! (The Vengabus) [Positiva ‎– CDTIVS108 / 7243 8 8590 2 4]

Surprisingly I do not recall hearing this song as a child. I guess mainly because at the time of being 6 years old my listening habits were dictated by my mother who didn’t exactly indulge in electronic music. Only until much later at the age of 14 when I met my first real girlfriend’s mum did I end up exploring the wonderful world of electronic music. I do wonder what would have happened if I had never met that girl or her mum, and how it would have affected my music tastes.

Music like this, up-beat, carefree, bouncy electronic that is radio friendly, kid friendly and just plain fun – I don’t know if we’ll ever be able to create music like this again. It is just so pure, you have nothing to worry about when listening to this music. I guess many kids of the generation after me will never know, or understand this music like I do and even then my understanding and connection to this music is weak at best.

I do like this song, yes it is annoying. So annoying in fact that one of my previous bosses got it stuck in his head and would always hum the tune when the office was quiet. Knowing it annoyed me, during my holiday time he left me a few voicemails of the song. This song brings back happy memories of this harmless joke, and I think for many this song brings back happy memories too. It’s just that a happy song.

You don’t get the popular mix on this CD single that you find on many of the compilation albums of the time, instead you get an extended cut of the original song for the first track. The second is your standard hardcore house remix with thumping bass, if that is your kind of thing. The third track is a completely new take on the original song by legendary Tin Tin Out, which could stand up as a separate release on its own. But does kind of loose a bit of the silliness of the original with this heavy handed edit.

Alexandra Burke – Hallelujah

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Alexandra Burke – Hallelujah [Syco Music / Sony Music ‎– 88697446252]

There are not many music contestants that make it big in the harsh pop world. It doesn’t matter if they found fame from Pop Idol, X Factor or whatever else you can think of (Fame Academy?). By 2008 when Alexandra won X Factor the majority of the UK general public were no longer interested in underdogs winning a possibly rigged game show. Alas all of the grannies and little girls who watched the show gathered around and bought the only CD single they would buy that year. And to great effect as it did reach #1.

What I don’t like about this is that firstly it gives a false impression of how easy it may be to make a hit pop single to the winner (I’ve only been on the earth just over 20 years and I can tell you it isn’t easy!) and secondly it simply strokes Simon Cowell’s ego boner providing him weight to get another cookie-cutter show on the air next year to keep the bank happy.

The song, is a cover – they’re always covers, rarely ever are they original songs and are usually chosen by the producers of the show not the singer themselves. The cover is fine, but nothing special. The original song by Jeff Buckley is painfully beautiful, yet this rendition seems to lose a lot of that power.

The additional tracks are lacking. The second track is a piss poor recording taken directly from the TV broadcast and sounds terrible on any hi-fi system. The third track seems to follow suit with another poor flat sounding recording, and is terribly short.

These singles, and the albums that come with them, slowly fill up landfills, boot sales and charity shops alike – worth nothing, not even their weight in polymer plastic. This is no different, and it appears that Alexandra has decided to take the route so many of these contestant winners do – theatre, where they should have probably started in the first place.

Ron Atkinson – It’s Christmas – Let’s Give Love A Try

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Ron Atkinson – It’s Christmas – Let’s Give Love A Try [N2K Publishing Ltd. ‎– N2KS004]

Sometimes you come across a record and simply exclaim, WHY?

I don’t follow football, so have no idea who Ron Atkinson is – but that doesn’t detract from the fact as to why on earth he decided to make a bloody christmas single. I get it, its christmas lets have some fun and create a novelty record. But why on earth create THIS, its not even an album – its just the same track 3 times over.

I’m not a big fan of festive music, I often find it crass and annoying with only a few minor exceptions. But this is neither good, nor bad, nor interesting or exciting its just pointless. Futile is this release.

K7 – Hi De Ho

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K7 – Hi De Ho [Big Life ‎– BLRD 108]

Rap was still finding its feet back in the early 90s, at this time there were two main contenders in the arena – gangsta rap and pop rap. This release, new to me at the time of writing, fits into the latter. Both genres at the time had issues with producing a lot of sub-par records that sounded very similar to each other, and this record fits into this category.

This is your typical cringe-worthy pop rap that is nice enough for mainstream radio play, doesn’t upset grandma and is fun for the kids. With nonsensical lyrics, a stupid chorus and uninspired beats this track is just naff – pure and simple. I think what annoys me most is that this type of innocent rap is intended to be marketed towards people like me, young white guys. Yet I find it horribly boring and much prefer the harder lines found in gangsta rap of the same period.

Luckily this style died out by the turn of the millennium, with a few stragglers into the 2000s. And honestly this is one style I never want to have the pleasure of a revival.

Tina Barrett – Fire (Remixes)

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Tina Barrett ‎– Fire (Remixes) [Diamond Eyes Records]

This shouldn’t exist. This is another example of an artist who had previously seen immense fame in a larger group (S Club 7) trying to find the same success on their own. Most will do this the sensible way, and start this after the previous groups disbandment. Striking while the iron is hot allows the new solo artist ride the wave of the groups disbandment for air play and cost-free promotion.

The sad thing is that Tina did not get this memo, and decided to start giving a crap almost 10 years after the band went down the toilet. Why did she take this long? Maybe she wanted to quit the business, or maybe she was bitter from the split but why on earth she created this I don’t know. Its so revolting it has caused me to come all this way to write this damning review.

Like I said in my review of Rachel Stevens (another S Club member chasing a solo career) most can afford high quality musicians and songwriters to try and ignite their solo career and sadly usually fail not because the music they are making is sub-par but that it cannot compete with all of the other mediocre shit that floats atop the pop landscape.

Well Tina clearly does not have the money to spend on such luxuries, and instead has made a song with the same budget a 16-year old has when making his hot new EDM tracks on SoundCloud. Tina is trying to tap into the popular EDM-pop market that was and still is very popular in the chart at the moment, but has created a mess of a song. With strained vocals (stop going RAHHHHHHHHH), terrible mixing, strange double-tracking that doesn’t work, lame as fuck lyrics, and the most uninspired backing beat I have heard in a while all you (the listener) end up with is a headache and maybe some mild confusion as to why such a monstrosity exists. The music video that goes along with the track is also complete garbage and looks like a students first attempt at Adobe After Effects.

Tina clearly has no pride or confidence in this song as she disabled both ratings and comments on the video, knowing that the public were likely going to dismiss this song and tell her to do something more worthwhile with her time.

Anyway, I’m sure she’ll recover the £80 she lost making this track with the upcoming S Club 7 reunion tour.

Girls Aloud – I’ll Stand By You

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Girls Aloud – I’ll Stand By You [Polydor ‎– 9869130]

I never realised this was a fundraiser song until I have this release in front of me right now. But I’m not going to treat it as one, and if you want to hear my thoughts on fundraiser songs check out my review of Perfect Day ’97. I do remember this song, I even knew what I was going to hear before play testing it. This is pure pop, before pop got all messed up by the EDM genre like it is now. This is so inoffensive and twee, you can play it anywhere and it just works – funerals, weddings, birthday parties. Your mum loves it, your nan loves it, your little sister loves it – everyone is OK with it.

Strange how a song like this no longer gets any air time, yet I still know the melody and lyrics – definitely some conspiracy theory kind of stuff!

Title track and tin-foil hat accusations aside, the remix on this is complete GARBAGE. Fuck me, what was Tony Lamezma thinking. Oh wait, I’ve just checked our talentless friend Tony Lamezma isn’t a real human! Just generic crap remixes made in about 5 minutes to provide filler on these singles. For a remix it doesn’t go anywhere, or do anything – it sounds like something a 10 year old made in e-Jay with all the presets.

Lastly in the audio arena we get a medley, a mini-mix, of tracks from the girls sophomore record, Girls Aloud – What Will The Neighbours Say?. It’s ok, I honestly have less of an opinion on this track than the title. It’s just like an advert for your ears, but it doesn’t make me want to buy the album – then again I don’t think I’m the target audience.

The design of the sleeve is pretty naff, and feels rather dated and tacky in hindsight but then again the design choices for all releases from this album were (the headshots of the girls look, frightening – something to do with the makeup, the more I look at them the more I fear). You get a ASOS promotional card, a pretty big name now in the UK – I’m surprised that they started as far back as this.

You also get some enhanced bonus goodies! This is 2004 of course, so you best get a low-res copy of the music video with every single! You get a flash player game (it works even on my futuristic Windows 10 machine, thank god for flash?) which is a complete waste of time. You choose one of the band members, and then move them around a screen while some audio clips play and then you fall down a hole and thats it? It also includes two Quicktime movie files, one is silent with no audio, so you get to look at the pretty girls without the annoying music (jokes aside I think this is the proposed “karaoke” version), and the other one is the music video. The music video is fine, I remember watching this a lot as a young boy – odd how these things stick with you, but it has a jerky motion to it because it has been encoded at BLOODY 12 FRAMES A SECOND.

Just buy the greatest hits if you’ve got a strange Girls Aloud itch you need to scratch.

Mario – Here I Go Again

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Mario – Here I Go Again [J Records ‎– 82876705592]

Considering at one point in my life it felt like you couldn’t escape the hit Mario – Let Me Love You, Here I Go Again missed the mark and maybe signalled how fleeting Mario’s success in the UK charts would end up being. I like a lot of the glam hip-hop and r&b (sometimes dubbed “urban”) music from the mid 2000s, but most probably in the same capacity that I love pop-punk and emo music from the same period. It reminds me of being a kid, so I usually only feel strongly towards tracks I recall from then and sadly Here I Go Again is not a song I even faintly recall. If anything I’d say this is the first time I am hearing it.

The track features some clean production from Ron “NEFF-U” Feemstar, not a name that I am familiar with sadly, but he did produce Wish U Were Here (Jamie Foxx) which I love. Aside from that however there isn’t much more to say, it doesn’t feature the catchy lyrics and melody of the previous hit and just fades into the background of other R&B tracks being produced at the time.

The second track, the B-side pretty much, is as you’d expect a remix. It’s not terrible, it does work as a remix, but is just as forgettable as the title track and brings little new to the table.